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Monday, February 1, 2016

So,

I know I haven't been updating much. I'm not even going to lie and say I was busy while in fact, I was feeling uninspired and down for months. I can't explain why, because I, myself, do not even know how that happened. Mornings just passed and all I could feel was sadness and exhaustion. Everyday I was feeling jaded without even having to do anything. I skipped classes, meals, and whatnot. The only motivation I had was to go to work because I needed money. All I was thinking was to be successful, but I could not get myself to do it. Not that I was being a lazy ass, but because I was uninspired.
That was last year. Well, to be exact, the last 2 months of the year. If you ask me why that happened, I don't think I can answer you. Things just happen, you know. One day, you feel happy and as if nothing will ever upset you. Next day, you couldn't care less if you die at that exact moment. NOT that I was thinking of dying. No. Not at all. But! I was just really, really sad for no particular reason. Was I being over-dramatic or was that depression? I couldn't tell. But just because I'm sad doesn't mean I'm depressed, right? That's just being over-dramatic.
See what I'm saying??
Anyway, I guess my life at that point in time was so boring. It was like a flat line. No ups and downs. Nothing!
Hence, I was feeling uninspired.
It was like my life has been focused on social media. I was feeling trapped. So, I had to get out. I tried to detox myself from social media, which I've slightly succeeded in doing so. I stayed away from anything superficial. I tried to stick to anything that's real. I watched movies, read books and articles that helped to enlighten me, and to reconnect with myself again. I did all of those, and it helped me to feel better again. Not only that, but it made me realize that I had to change some of my ways. (I'm not gonna go through all of those right here, perhaps I can do a separate post for that).
So that was all last year. I feel a lot better now. And that is one of the reasons why I haven't been posting too much. I'm busy. I'm busy living my life. I'm busy doing what I love. I'm busy living the life that I truly love. And I couldn't be any happier!
I don't think there was ever a day that I didn't crash on the couch because of exhaustion-and perhaps alcohol intoxication too- but I'm not complaining. I actually like it because it makes me feel productive. I am enjoying everything that I do everyday. I enjoy the classes I have, and the company of people around me. Everyday seems so pleasant, however exhausting it may be. I feel inspired again. Even though it sucks to wake up 5AM every morning, it's the little sacrifice to make it all worth it.
Some classes still make me anxious. In fact, at one point I think I was having panic attack. Although, I figured it was because it was the first time in ages that I was stepping out of my comfort zone. And you know what? That's great! If I don't step out of my comfort zone, I will never go to places at all. I'll get stuck and stop growing. For every uncomfortable situation I get into, and that I get through, is a step closer to a place where my heart desires. One step closer to my success.
I'm doing what I love now, and even though I love it very much, it doesn't mean it is going to be easy. It is going to be a fucking hell, but I can do it. I will do whatever it takes to accomplish everything I'm hoping for. I still have self-doubts, and I'm on my way to remove those.
I am in an endeavor to do whatever the fuck I want to do. To wear clothes that will help express myself. To be someone I want to be. A step closer to my soul's freedom. Free from self-doubt, insecurity, and shyness (Read: antisocial). All these will help me live my fucking life to the fucking fullest. I only have one life, and I am not going to waste it by working on a job I don't enjoy, not by focusing all of my fucking time on a social media feed, and definitely not by wearing basic ass trendy clothes made by underpaid and somewhat abused workers. Bye.

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Loosely fit


What I wore: white T-shirt from Forever 21, trousers from Topshop, leather jacket from Zara, ankle boots from Old Navy.

I don't really know what to say except that these trousers are the most man-repelling trousers I own, and I love it so much. I'm becoming more and more comfortable in wearing loose silhouettes that it feels like I'm wearing PJs in school. Never buying skinny jeans ever again.